There’s nothing more disrespectful to you trying to be someone else
Growing up, I never loved who I became
I wish to be another
An actress I saw on TV yesterday
A magazine model
A friend who has it all
The new girl next door
For a long time I battled with low self esteem
I was never satisfied with what I have
With what I own
I wanted to have everything
I wanted the novel life
A life of fantasy
The perfect life
I was always envious
I was scared to fail
Scared to make mistakes
Always bitter when someone flashes what I can only dream of in my face
It hurts I wasn’t born with a silver spoon
In sociology and psychology, self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.
Low Self esteem can make one tolerate the unusual most times. It makes you feel less of who you are. You begin to see yourself in situations you could easily have avoided but the only reason you are in there is to fit in. You don’t care about your feelings but you are bothered about how society will accept you, how others will see you and how you can be like someone else. You are worried about disappointing people.
Self-esteem reflects a person’s overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self.
Low self esteem is liken to desperation. You begin to get desperate for attention in such a way you are gradually becoming a shadow of yourself. You try so hard to make your life a perfect picture but it will never work because you are too hard on yourself.
Some reasons for low self esteem include
* failing to meet parental standards
* failing to meet peer-group standards
* being on the receiving end of other people’s stress or distress
* belonging to a family or social group that other people are prejudiced towards
* an absence of praise, warmth, affection or interest
* being the odd one out, at home or at school.
* systemic punishment, neglect or abuse
I can talk about this because I was there. I wasn’t even bothered about my own feelings rather I was so desperate to please others. I was so bothered about what the other party has to say about me at the end of the day. I find myself grieving at the end of the day after realizing my efforts are not appreciated. It become an inner battle I fight daily. A fight to make others happy at the expense of my own happiness.
Low self esteem leads to depression. You slowly begin to hate yourself. You see only the negative part of your life. You even begin to feel “You are good for nothing”. You crave for attention in unworthy places, and when it is denied you are depressed. The moment depression sets in, the person begin to lose life existence.
The day you realize you are battling with low self esteem is the day you are getting out of it.
I’m sure some people will be wondering how I managed mine. I did not visit any shrink. It was just a battle of emotions and reality, I realized how desperate I was about pleasing others and how hurt I become at the end of the day. It became a recurrent life cycle and I kept swearing it won’t happen again. Until the day I put my foot down and choose to become selfish. Selfish about considering myself first before others, selfish about appreciating every little thing I do and have, and not letting people’s opinion about me bother me.
When this changes occur, it takes time for people to accept the new you. They’d understand you have changed but might see it as a negative change. I was called proud, stubborn and selfish but I was done trying hard to please others.
I decided what I wanted and what will make me happy. I choose a dream I loved and I focused on deriving happiness from it, I avoided large circles a lot (people close to me know this), I became a different person and it upset quite a number of people but as long as I am happy, it is a good call.
Low self esteem is a terrible disease. It doesn’t matter how intelligent, beautiful or smart you are. If you allow it eat you deep, it will take you years to get out of it but the day you face the demon and admit it, you have crossed the line of being a new you!
You may have been abused, rejected or shamed in the past but it is never too late to be a new you and becoming a better person. Put your past behind you (I know how difficult that could be), concentrate on yourself and watch you leading the pack and leaving a wide trail others can’t reach!
I hope this has inspired someone. Thanks for reading.